don't let me talk about cars

06/04/2020

My personal section of our Podcast script that proves why I should not be allowed talk about the topics I love without some management. It is for this reason that Joe is the host...

Script (Draft):

Well what’s going on? Many thanks for tuning in for another episode of JENK’s podcast. We’ve titled this “A Million Ways to Die in the 50s" I suppose we’ll start will we lads? Right!! Without further ado let’s hop right into the concoction of our nana and grandads’ weird world.

Chordettes – Lollipop

Cars!! We all have one or two… or three for you poshos out there. Turns out the 50s were a pretty good time to be alive as a petrol head. This is pollution somehow didn’t exist of course. It was not only a time of beautiful design but definitely better function as well. Powered steering is something we all taken for granted in 2020 even if you’ve only driven a car once or twice and it wasn’t even invented until 1951. Probably wasn’t properly adopted until the 70s really given the amount of stories from my own parents saying how much of an exercise it was to simply turn a car. For those that don’t know powered steering is using a hydraulic system to multiply the steering force exerted by the driver reducing the effort of turning into your favourite MaccyDs Drive-Thru, which as it turns out also became popular around this time as well. We can thank the kind folk at Chrysler for such a god send.

Wheels also gained an upgrade. Introducing radial tires that had steel in the circumference of it and treads on the outer layer. As always steel is the answer. Really can’t go wrong with a bit of an iron and carbon mix can you?

Now we can’t forget about the beauty of this decade can we? Not talking about Marilyn Monroe though. Don’t look at me like that Joe. You’re still prettier in my mind. And Kev’s I’m sure. Tailfins on cars are to half quote Jeremy Clarkson are “quintessentially American”. The 5/6m cars that were nothing short of flashy with the bright colours (bright blues and reds), the chrome trim and of course those tailfins. The way the red lights were integrated into them, maybe following the form or even going for a weird cone look have always amazed me. To me they’ve always been there as imitated speed, just the way they sweep back like they were about to go airborne. Honestly though I think a cruiser board would actually be faster off the line than these types of cruisers.

But as everyone knows the USA is not the best country in the world. Countries on our own continent did things just a tad different. Europe in my mind took beauty to a whole new level. Take the Mercedes Benz 300 SLR for example. A sleek and smooth magnesium alloyed body designed perfectly for racing in the snazziest race of the time, Le Mans. Unfortunately it went on to kill 84 people in the horrendous disaster of Le Mans 1955, partly as a result of the body’s own design… Sorry about killing the mood there lads but there’s a slight haw for ye anyways. For that race though Jaguar also had a beauty at that very same race, the D-Type. This however did not blow up. Only caused the crash… but it won so hooray. I remember seeing this beauty at a car show and was it something. To me it looks kind of like some of the aquatic life you see with the gaping mouth/grill and that massive dorsal fin comparable to those of the sailfish. Built for aerodynamics and handling higher speeds. None of this detracts from all the perfect little details like the gentle rounded wheel arches, its short windscreen and that long side exhaust. Not to mention its dimensions fit its design incredibly well, only being a metre tall which to me demonstrates the 50s’ go to when it comes to aerodynamics. Right Kev looks fit to slap me so we should probably move on. I just have to say that if Creationism were true and God made the world around us then he must’ve taken a quick break from making planets and put his mind to making this fine thing we mere mortals call the Jaguar D-Type.